Area Woman Has Had Enough of Her Cat

CHICAGO-- In an effort to upset her cat right back at him, Aly Hensler, whom has failed to workout on a semi regular basis despite not having a job for the past five months, whipped a pillow in the direction of her cat at the ungodly hour of 6 a.m., and sprained her right shoulder.

"In what world is it okay to wake someone up by biting their foot?" Hensler wondered aloud to no one in particular because there really was no one around, and the idea of writing a letter to Jared Fogel the no longer popular Subway guy whom probably doesn’t know anything about feline behavior anyway just didn’t seem like it would solve anything.

In an interview exclusive to this lameass blog, Hensler admitted that she had "had enough," and described living with her cat like living with a shark, constantly on the prowl for a bare foot near the edge of a bed, or an arm, or really anything he can scratch, or bite at that is attached to something that can bleed, and fight back.

“I feel so guilty,” Hensler explained, noting that she should be able to love her furry rascal unconditionally like most other single, thirtysomething woman whom otherwise purport to love cats, and have feline shaped collectibles around their apartments, like a spoon rest that always seems to make Hensler smile when she is stirring Ragu sauce, the idea of a cat perhaps more appealing than the one she has lived with for the past eight years whining, and forever circling her feet, his tail raised in anticipation for what Hensler has no clue.

According to Hensler, other cats she’s lived with haven’t acted like this one, and she’s been wondering if it is something about her that is causing her cat to behave so obnoxiously, and erratically, and if he might be an embodiment of all the stress she has felt of late, from the exhaustion of working on various low, or no paying but nonetheless time consuming projects, to an impending cross country road trip with a gentleman friend that most normal, technically unemployed people would be excited about, yet is sparking feelings of regime disruption, and general uprootment, albeit temporary.


“He has a fresh water bowl at all times,” Hensler asserted, adding that since the onset of cystitis, or irritation of the bladder, common in older, male cats, her cat has been on a wet food only diet, and plenty of it at that, so he is not lacking for food, either, nor company given the fact he often roams the hallways, playing with other cats in the building. Last night Hensler noted that her cat received undivided attention, as she succumbed to sleep alone, a chick lit book beside her, fully clothed, on a sheetless bed with a plastic mattress cover due to her cat's aforementioned cystitis, and because her laundry was at her gentleman friend’s place.

It was in this uncomfortable condition that Hensler awoke, and, after throwing the pillow at her cat with great force, banishing him to the hallway, albeit a bit early for a Sunday morning, applying Neosporin to the latest wound, making coffee, and changing out of the previous day's clothing, and into pajamas around 7:30 a.m., Hensler is ready to start her day, and is going to make it a good one, whatever that means these days.