Downward Dog: A 'Co-insurance Odyssey'

I heard on CNN yesterday that coinsurance is around the corner. The new buzz word for 2010, it means that employees will now have to pay for more of their insurance costs, and up to 50% of an office visit's cost, rather than the traditional flat-rate co-pay, thus if a procedure at an office is three, or four hundred dollars an office visit could cost considerably more than a fixed rate $10 or $15 co-pay. 

Long ago I worked at a company where my boss, who had three kids, joked that she was only staying at her job for the health insurance. Sadly, this is true for many people, though now staying at your job comes with a catch: employees will receive incentives to be heathy, to lose weight, to stop smoking, etc. How far will it go, though? Quite comically, the expert who was quoted on CNN about the importance of workers needing to be healthy had a double chin. Hmm, will he be pressured to lose weight, or lose his job at some point, or be forced to pay more? Who among us in perfect health? 

“Downward Dog"              

Oct. 24th, 2009 (version 2)

CAST

Sara, Claims Adjustment Team Lead, 40s

Heather, team member, 20s

Jim, team member, 30s

Jen, team member, 20s

Brian, team member, 20s

Becky, New Team Member, 30s

 

(A conference room. Sara stands at center)

SARA

Last quarter we reduced our customer’s employee-initiated health insurance claims by 11.2%. That makes me…

 

(Drawing a large circle in the air)

 

                         HEATHER, JIM, JEN, BRIAN

Happy!

                         SARA

Exactly! I couldn’t have done it without the best team in Eon insurance history. What position are we in, folks?

                         HEATHER

Lotus?

                         SARA

No!

JIM

Downward dog?

                         SARA

No!

                         JEN

Scissors

                         BRIAN

Mai Chai?

                         SARA

Yes! Brian! Mai Chai! That’s what I’m talking about. Mai Chai is a reflection of the whole body, and entire being. It embodies the chi we felt as a unified team.

                         HEATHER

Yay, team!

                         SARA

Stop sucking up!

                         HEATHER

Mai Chai embodies the chi we will continue to experience as we address federally mandated co-insurance in 2010, which will require us to be healthy in order to be fully covered by Eon’s employee provided insurance plan. No more cream-based chicken and dumplings in the vending machines! No more smoking, even if it its 500-ft from the building! No more holding your BlueTooth too close to your ear, you will get cancer! No more sleeping around!

HEATHER

Sleeping…….you mean in case people at Eon have STDs, they won’t be covered? What about preexisting conditions?

SARA

 What about them? Tough luck, eh? Maybe you should have practiced some tougher love to begin with, taken better care of yourself, done a bit more yoga.

HEATHER

But, I was ra…raped, remember?

SARA

Don’t worry, beginning today, Heather, I am mandating daily yoga for the purpose of creating a healthier team for the purpose of keeping our own insurance claims low. It’s time we practice what we preach, and lower our own claims in addition to those of our customers.

                         JIM

Is..isn’t that a little extreme? And, you know my little Bud, he had that harelip at birth, and we couldn’t of controlled it. Bud needed surgery!

                         SARA

Would Bud have needed harelip surgery if you hadn’t of married your third cousin? How do you think harelips occur, Jim, come on? Now shut up, and let’s mai chai! And don’t take your anger out over your mildly retarded son—

JIM

He’s developmentally delayed, Sara

SARA

Whatever you want to call it, Jim. Don’t take your anger out on me. Take it out on your body! Ok, everyone, stretch high, stretch lean. Reeeeeeeaaaaaach!

 

(Everyone stand, kicks chairs out, and does a perfect Mai Chai poise, standing on tippy toes, arms high, face to the ceiling, except for BECKY, whom looks on w/ trepidation All stand and reach high with their hands)

 

So here we are, reaching tall, like tall tall reeds in a river. Are we safe?

                         JEN

Yes!

                         SARA

No!

                         BRIAN

Why aren’t we safe?

                         SARA

There is a crocodile.

                         JEN

Oh my gosh, where?!

                         SARA

It’s not a real crocodile, you idiot! It’s a metaphor. But, what is it a metaphor for?

                         BRIAN

“ObamaCARE!”

                        

HEATHER, JIM, JEN, BRIAN

ObamaCARE….  BOOOOOOO… BOOOO… BOOOO!         

                        

SARA

Yes, Booo, boo, boo, and POO POO on ObamaCARE. It IS a crocodile, and it’s threatening our peace! The corporations we serve need OBAMACare like a hole to their heads! Let’s do this pose, people. Breathe in, breathe out. Feel it!! Live it!  Breathe it! Give me Mai Chai!

 

(Sara looks over at BECKY)

 

Very good! Very good! Becky, feel free to join us!                        

BECKY

Thanks, I’m excited to join your team, to be here. I didn’t know yoga was involved. We didn’t do this at my last job.

                        

                         SARA

Last job, last schmob! It’s like saying you had tator tots at your old cafeteria, and why do you guys only have crinkle cut fries here? Who cares, complex carbs are bad for you either way! No obese employees at EON!

 

BECKY

I…I don’t like potatoes. Well, I do, but they are so unhealthy. Starchy. 

                         SARA

Starchy, exactly! And let’s say you did like potatoes, and you liked them a lot, and you ate potatoes with every meal.

BECKY

But.. I don’t.

SARA

It’s a case study! If you ate potatoes all the time you would need to exercise more, do more yoga, keep EON’s cost of covering you low. But don’t get too cozy! Yoga is all about being flexible, dealing with changes, and team, I feel something interrupting our pose!

BRIAN

Lunch?

SARA

No!

JEN

Our self evaluations, due by COB? How many more of these meetings are we going to have—--?

SARA

---Shhh!!!  Back to mai chai! Do not let paperwork block your chi, Jen!! I feel a shadow on our mai chai. It has to do with the subsidized COBRA stimulus. What kind of position is COBRA putting Eon’s corporate clients into?

                         JIM
Downward dog?

                         SARA

Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you, Jim! I knew I hired you for a reason! Downward Dog it is. Let’s do this!

 

(SARA moves from a Mai Chai to downward dog position, on the floor, kneeling. Though kneeling toward stage, she pulls her head up like a turtle and speaks loudly)

 

Our clients are in a bind. They are backed in a corner. They are being fucked from behind by an elephant dick. That elephant is not an elephant. Can anyone tell me what it is?              

HEATHER

A chimpanzee?

                         SARA

No!

                         HEATHER

A dog?

                         SARA

No!

                         BRIAN

A ferret?

                         SARA

No!                   

                         JIM

A donkey?

                         SARA

Yes, yes, yes! It is a donkey, and it’s blue! Our nation’s Democratic Socialistic Blue Donkey Machine is at fault. 

                    JEN

Exelon will survive! Exelon will fight!

                         SARA

Yes, we will fight for Exelon! Without Exelon this claims team would be a fraction of the size it is today.

(to BECKY)

Becky, you’ll learn soon enough, but Exelon is our biggest client. In the coming days I’ll give you some of their less touchy cases, small stuff like Alaskan oil spills.

BECKY

Cool! Thanks, Sara, I can’t wait! I worked on claims adjustments for Shell at my last job!

                         SARA

Shell, most excellent! Please, no more talk about your last job, you are at EON Insurance now.

                         BECKY
Yes, yes, sorry, I was just there for 10 years, so it’s-

                         SARA

Flush it out, Becky, flush it out! You will become whole again. You will be at peace. You will learn that Exelon’s latest oil spill was exaggerated by blue donkey media. The non-operable melanoma their employees are whining about in the stack of claims I’m going to give you is the lamest poo poo we on this team ever saw pass our desks!

HEATHER

It totally is! Poooo! Like poo piled on my desk every day!

SARA

Heather, stop sucking up! If I had a right mind I’d tell you that I hired BECKY to replace you, but that’s not the case. Our team is actually growing, like a….

JIM

Lotus!

SARA

Yes, a lotus!  Becky, please assume lotus position!  You are one of us now. Welcome!

                         BECKY

Thanks, Sara! I am so glad to be here, but I’m afraid that I’m not, I’m not flexible? I mean I am mentally, but physically I have never been good with stretching? I can do other types of movement… it’s just yoga isn’t for me.

 

(There is a shocked silence. The team stares at BECKY. SARA seems hurt, and tries to gain her composure.)

                         SARA

I see. I…I;m not sure I understand? I’ll be frank with you; I am shocked. You’ve turned my chi upside down.

                         HEATHER

Mine, too!

                         SARA

Heather, I swear!                    

BECKY

I’m sorry, I did not mean to upset your chi.

                         SARA

I’ll figure it out. May I ask how you managed to get through HR? HR knows what my team is all about. I can’t believe they’d send me somebody not….not flexible.

                         BECKY

Well, they didn’t really have a choice in HR. I’m skilled in Zumba, which is rhythmic Latin dancing, combined with fluid, worldly beats. It’s frankly kind of irresistible.

 

(Music like what Becky described begins to play, and the others solely catch on, all moving to music except SARA)

 

I know I’m just a newbie here, but I don’t believe that workers should be discriminated against if they are overweight, smokers, have overactive bladders, and thyroids, diabetes, cancer, STDs, disabilities, or a million other reasons private insurance companies will drum up to weasel out of fully covering people.

                         SARA

I’m not sure I get what you’re saying. The healthier employees are, the better it will be for our corporate clients who have the burden of covering them!

                         JEN

It’s not a burden; it’s a responsibility, Sara.

                         HEATHER

Yea… Yea, Jen is right, Sara.

                         JIM

She….she’s got a point. I…  I’m with Becky.

                         SARA

Becky, I think you’re going to have to leave. I know it’s a bit early for an Exit interview with HR, but we need to pencil one into your orientation schedule.

                         BECKY

I support “ObamaCARE.” It’s the dawn of a new America, and we will not be moved. Like a tree standing by the waterside, we shall not be moved.

 

(SARA strikes a defensive stance, as her entire team joins BECKY in forming one unified line moving to Zumba rhythms)

                         HEATHER

(shouting above the music)

SARA, if you want EON to cover your Lithium pills, you’d better join us!  

                        

(Blackout) 

We Need a Public Health Insurance Policy

I really only know what's happening to the Americans that I know, and I seem to know a lot of people from a variety of socio-economical backgrounds. 

Some have wealthy parents or good jobs, and never had to think too much about money. Others might still have good jobs, yet be buried in credit card debt, watching their savings dwindle, or have no main job, yet be working three or four side jobs just to get by. Still others have lost their jobs, and their homes due to foreclosure. Some have moved in with their parents; other are living with roommates.  

Yesterday my mom sent me a link to a newsletter that she was featured in from a D.C. organization that provides financial assistance to defray the high costs of prescription medications for the growing number of underinsured in our country who are dealing with difficulties that they never could have predicted. I didn't even know she received assistance from PAN, or what it was, or that she wrote a testimonial, though when I read her story I tried to take the fact I was her daughter out of it, and see her as a hardworking, employed-until-recently widowed 63-year old  woman that just needed to find a way to pay for her medication that relieved the pain caused by arthritis.

How can anyone afford $600 per month on medication on top of already high costs for COBRA?

Sure, you can just opt out and be one of the 24 million, and growing Americans that doesn't have any health insurance at all, or you can go broke figuring out a way to be insured, or you can just live with debilitating pain, or in some very tragic cases even die from lack of insurance at the age of 22 like this Ohio college graduate who put off going to the doctor b/c she did not have health insurance. If you're determined, and informed, you can take the time to apply for grants and assistance as my mom did, buried in paperwork, and constantly calling this person or that person to get a reference note, or a letter written, and then of course following it up with her notes of heartfelt thanks that might not be worded like a writer's, yet nevertheless convey her sense of sincerity, and gratitude. 

So, that's what we are- grateful to organizations, that if we know the ropes around we can ultimately do the hard work of navigating the appropriate channels to find the assistance that we need through these agencies, and then move on so others who are experiencing greater amounts of need than us can be helped. How many people, though, are suffering from extremely painful arthritis right now, or other ailments, but not battling the paperwork like my mom, or reaching out? How many feel undeserving of assistance, or too ashamed to ask for it? How many are embarrassed to admit that they are facing hard times? 

Every day in America, and in my neighborhood I see people working their asses off, people that could work 24 hours a day at the rate they're going, and still not be able to financially recover from a surgery, a long illness, or even a visit to the emergency room.  Are these people not entitled to the right to have health insurance coverage? Is my mother who raised two children, and worked full-time for decades, and contributed to her community not worthy of being fully covered? 

Our government's interdependence with pharmaceutical industries is an unhealthy pre-existing condition. Why aren't we focusing on treating that, instead of why all of our people aren't all deserving of coverage? 

Subway in the Blood

Dear Jared, 

I know it's been forever, and a day, and then another day or two, but I just wanted to touch base with you, and let you know where I'm at.  

The Hello Kitty stickers were getting too expensive, and I grew tired of sending pre-driven unmentionables to you that were never acknowledged, or reciprocated, forcing me to buy six packs of Fruit of the Loom at Walgreen's about every month when I was writing to you too much, or just not mustering the strength for laundry.  I figured that if you, and your humongous pair of blue jean pants were going to tour the country together promoting the importance of eating healthy, and doing it with the help of Subway, than you didn't need me. Talk about a third wheel! 

So, I've been hooping. A lot. I ordered a fire hoop online, and I've been losing weight through exercise, as well as by eating a six inch turkey on wheat with no mayo, or no condiments just like we used to do together back in Indianapolis when we were losing all the weight together, but before you went to Subway and made your story famous, leaving me behind with my every other week unemployment telephone call, a hula hoop, a bathrobe, and a TV converter box I haven't figured out how to hook up because I'd rather just invent stuff in my head like a psychotic person, or writer. 

With the hula hooping has come a new life, with new projects, free of irritable bowel syndrome, and lonely nights thinking about what would have happened if Subway hadn't of been such a life changing opportunity for you.  I admit that I have been collecting the little contest stickers affixed to soda cups for the online Scrabble game, and I am well aware of the contest's Oct. 18th deadline, and I do plan to participate in that, but other than that Subway has frankly faded less, and less from my life these days, along with you.  Please don't take that the wrong way!  This period of my life will always hold a special place in my heart as will you. 

Sincerely, and I swear to the Heavens This-is-My-Last-Letter, 

Aly Louise Hensler 

P.S.   I just read in the Boston Globe that you are in early talks to maybe have your blue jeans exhibited inside the Smithsonian museum? Is that awesome, or what?! 

P.P.S.  I also read that you said Subway is "in your blood!" 

P.P.P.S. Are you OK? 

Blogging is Stupid

I read somewhere that 95% of blogs are abandoned by their owners-- and presumably for good reason. Who are the 5% that trudge forward? Are they the most truly narcissistic of humankind, feeling the need to report on the mundane and trivial and perfectly ordinary aspects of their life?

Like clockwork, every three or four or five months I turn my back on blogging, and vow no mas. This time I have some very exciting projects I am working on, some only in pipe dream, others in incubation stages, and still others more clearly defined like the weekly newsletter. In regards to always having so many things going on, I've never known any other way so in a way it's normal.

No doubt it's a scary period for America. We're also entering into- whether we consciously notice it or not- a new era of usefulness, and utility. Every dollar spent needs to matter, every new item of clothing must need to be worn right now, or else it wouldn't have been purchased.  What services will be removed for not producing an ROI? What kinds of companies will suffer? 

Books vs. Movies

No offense to film makers, and movie buffs (buff, what a weird word!), but I feel like in most cases, a book is usually better than its screen adaptation. Not in all cases, but possibly most.

Why?

Books take much longer to read than to sit passively watching a movie, thus a longer time investment promoting a sense of shared space between the reader, and the book, or novel's world, is achieved.

Books allow you to get inside of the character's head, whereas that is not as easy to convey on the big screen.

Readers ARE casting directors. A reader casts the characters via imagination, and if the character on the screen is not at all how the reader had imagined him/her, than the reader will feel as if the movie is inauthentic due to preconceived notions.

In general I enjoyed The Reader, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Towelhead, Thank You for Smoking, Bridget Jones Diary, Atonement, The Bone Collector, The Outsiders, Tuck Everlasting, and many other movies more in their book vs. movie edition, with the possible exception of Charlie, and the Chocolate Factory.

Maybe I'm pigheaded.

Standing Corrected- Again

A lot can happen in three days.

The laid off workers of Republic Windows and Doors were given three days notice that their jobs, and benefits were ending, as well as their factory being shut down, which prompted a sit in, political spotlight, and each worker receiving 6K of basic benefits, vacation, and severance pay owed to them.

In the movie in which the Republic story appears, among other eye opening stories of real Americans, Capitalism: A Love Story, the union organizers here in Chicago found out only three days ago that they'd be able to show Michael Moore's movie in prescreening benefits around the country.

It's no surprise that they got to work, again, and last night the theater was nearly packed at the Kerasotes Western 14. It was a cozy crowd. Most knew each other through the union. Some of the very faces features on the big screen were sitting among S. and I. In many parts of the movie there was not a dry eye in the house. Only a small portion of the movie was about the story of the people of Republic, yet as is the pattern these days, what's happening in one spot in America is also occurring in 10 others, so it was a very relatable movie, as all Michael Moore movies are, which is what makes him an important part of America. I stand corrected to what I wrote yesterday. MM's good work far outweighs his shock value, and in America, it's shock, awe, and sex that gets noticed. MM isn't very sexually appealing, so he uses shock to get his valid points across. Or, at least this is my latest reflection on MM.

I had read, or rather skimmed information on the pre-screenings that a friend posted a link on, and misconstrued that the movie was free to people that have lost their jobs, or had fallen on hard times. I had been doing two things at once, and was rushing out the door, otherwise I wouldn't have made such an idiotic pronouncement, and then posted it even more idiotically, only to return home seven hours later to a few personal emails like this one, "Hi, it is playing tonight at 8 pm at Western, but it is not free, it is a benefit for united electrical and radio workers of America, you may want to amend your blog."

In retrospect, I feel very foolish as I often do, as I was not clear on the terms, and after watching the movie would give $1,000 if I had it to the labor organizers that helped orchestrate the sit in, and not just the $10 donation.

A friend who wishes to remain unidentified said the the following to me as we left the theater: "Every time I see a Michael Moore movie I am reminded of how little I know about our country."

Unlike my friend, I had been following the Republic story in the news, though I did not feel the depth, and immediacy, and impact of the sit in until I watched it on the main screen, and learned more about what kinds of things the labor organizers in Chicago are doing for our city's 110,000 plus warehouse workers. Not in the movie, but an organizer that spoke before it started said that a pregnant warehouse worker at Great Kitchens, which provided pizzas to Sam Club, or Wal-Mart, had asked her supervisor for a stool, and the supervisor said no, and told her to get back on her line. Three days later she lost her baby due to miscarriage. These are the kinds of things the labor organizers are fighting for--basic, human, inalienable rights-- and in light of sweeping Immigration reform that I've been writing about here the situation is getting even worse as an increasing number of hardworking immigrants are now out of jobs, at Republic, at American Apparel, at Pizza Hut, and no doubt thousands of other companies under the radar if it were not for union organizers, and the very few executives and politicians speaking out against immigration reform. What kind of impact will the loss of these workers have on American manufacturers? Will it force them to use offshore employees? Will they bring immigrants back on the lines, but illegally, and at the risk of facing fines, and imprisonment? There are no winners here except the 1% at the very top of our country's food chain who are ushering in these reforms, and offering no solutions, just a sweeping broom with no dustpan.

And yes, admittedly our country is a bit too preoccupied at the moment to think about immigrants, though what's happening to immigrants is the same thing that will be happening to nonimmigrants soon, if not already. The few, the happy but-not- -with-a-light-conscience few at the top are embroiled in a love affair with capitalism, and I say affair, and not love story like the movie's title because an affair is illicit, and wrong, just like what is happening to our country on so many levels. When did it become better for banks to win, and for empty storefronts, and empty homes dotting our landscape to be the image so many of us think of when we think of what's happening to our neighbors, and neighborhoods? When did it become okay for some of us to know someone that lost a job, and then to know someone that is homeless, and then to know someone that can't afford to eat?

Economic hardship, foreclosures, job loss, the scarlet letter that is the pre-existing condition that makes many of us, myself not excluded, scared to go to the doctor for fear of more bills, and loss of coverage, or an inability to be covered at a new job, yep, it's all here in America, yet as Moore's movie reminded each, and every one of us-- there's far more of us than there are of them-- and this is the comfort I am taking away from Capitalism: A Love Story. Numbers don't lie, and if there's not a revolution happening right now, it's around the corner.

Giving Capitalism: A Love Story Away

CORRECTION It is playing tonight at 8 pm at Western, but it is not free, it is a benefit for united electrical and radio workers of America, you may want to amend your blog

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Just when I think I'm not sure about Michael Moore-- his motivations, his skewing of facts to heighten stories, his profiting so extremely off being somewhat of a red carpet gadfly-- he does something totally awesome like make his latest movie, Capitalism: A Love Story, free tonight for those living in select cities like Chicago that have been hit especially hard by the downturn in the economy.

In a way, it's odd that I'm about to start my day by going to a trunk show downtown for a designer specializing in fashions for the fuller figured woman of affluence, and, after a few stops in-between, end the day by seeing a free movie by our nation's leading provocateur.

Both the designer, and Michael Moore serve underserved people, and they are shedding a light on a different America not seen in the mainstream despite the fact that 60% of American women are plus sized, and about one out of every 10 Americans do not have a full-time job.

As for Michael Moore, I too was born in Flint, Michigan, though my family moved from Flint shortly thereafter, so I have no memory of the city MM made famous via Roger & Me, yet many years ago I chatted with him on the phone, as well as emailed him an idea for a movie that I thought he should explore, about a small town in Illinois that ran a factory that had employed three generations of townspeople, and was closing because it appeared to be cheaper for Johnson & Johnson to manufacture its feminine maxi-pads in Canada vs. the midwest. He thought I should explore it further on my own, and while I visited the town for a day, hung out in its library reading newspaper clippings about the factory, and interviewed a bunch of people at a bar, and a woman from the historical society, at the time I had too much other stuff going on, and didn't end up trying to write a story. Now that I have a bit more time on my hands I might go see what has happened to this town over the past 10 years. It was around 1999 when the factory was closing. If I recall correctly, the factory had employed about 10 to 12% of the small town, thus making it an interesting study because close to that same percentage of Americans are not working today. Hopefully the economy will be vastly improve 10 years from now, but curiosity is already leading me to that town again, to see what it looks like now, 10 years after the maxipad factory shut its doors.