Subway in the Blood

Dear Jared, 

I know it's been forever, and a day, and then another day or two, but I just wanted to touch base with you, and let you know where I'm at.  

The Hello Kitty stickers were getting too expensive, and I grew tired of sending pre-driven unmentionables to you that were never acknowledged, or reciprocated, forcing me to buy six packs of Fruit of the Loom at Walgreen's about every month when I was writing to you too much, or just not mustering the strength for laundry.  I figured that if you, and your humongous pair of blue jean pants were going to tour the country together promoting the importance of eating healthy, and doing it with the help of Subway, than you didn't need me. Talk about a third wheel! 

So, I've been hooping. A lot. I ordered a fire hoop online, and I've been losing weight through exercise, as well as by eating a six inch turkey on wheat with no mayo, or no condiments just like we used to do together back in Indianapolis when we were losing all the weight together, but before you went to Subway and made your story famous, leaving me behind with my every other week unemployment telephone call, a hula hoop, a bathrobe, and a TV converter box I haven't figured out how to hook up because I'd rather just invent stuff in my head like a psychotic person, or writer. 

With the hula hooping has come a new life, with new projects, free of irritable bowel syndrome, and lonely nights thinking about what would have happened if Subway hadn't of been such a life changing opportunity for you.  I admit that I have been collecting the little contest stickers affixed to soda cups for the online Scrabble game, and I am well aware of the contest's Oct. 18th deadline, and I do plan to participate in that, but other than that Subway has frankly faded less, and less from my life these days, along with you.  Please don't take that the wrong way!  This period of my life will always hold a special place in my heart as will you. 

Sincerely, and I swear to the Heavens This-is-My-Last-Letter, 

Aly Louise Hensler 

P.S.   I just read in the Boston Globe that you are in early talks to maybe have your blue jeans exhibited inside the Smithsonian museum? Is that awesome, or what?! 

P.P.S.  I also read that you said Subway is "in your blood!" 

P.P.P.S. Are you OK?